More Than A Song

I like to put on music when I have alone time with the Lord. I like to go from singing alone with the worship leader in the song to praying or worshiping on my own. It helps me focus on the Lord’s presence by allowing me to pursue Him in my mind’s eye. 

There’s always a few songs that resonate inside me more than others, though, and it’s easier to sing those from the heart than just rehearsing the lyrics. Many times, I catch myself wishing I was the person who wrote the song because I want it to be more heartfelt as I sing it to the Lord. In that moment I want Him to understand that “This is my song to You.” So I’ll say, “Lord, this is more than just a song.” In the moment, it’s not simply a song anymore that I’m singing along with or that I’m using for ambiance. It becomes a vehicle for me to open up to the Lord.

Yeah, He knows my thoughts and all that, but it means more when you put in the effort to share with Him. It’s more rich that way. 

As I was getting into bed last night, Hillsong’s “Thank You, Jesus” started to play over my headphones. I hadn’t heard it in a while and I started to sing along in my head. As the song went on, I was vividly reminded of God’s faithfulness to me. 

He saved me from a life of pain and fear.

He has healed my body time and time again.

He’s never given up on me. 

It was like a lucid dream before I even fell asleep. I began to think of all the times that I needed Him and I looked for Him and I found Him. All the times that I needed Him and I ignored Him, but He was still there when I turned to Him. He has always been there without fail. As I laid there and remembered all the times God has shown Himself faithful to me, I thought of when I graduated from Rhema Bible Training College, and I went to sleep grateful.

When my time at Rhema ended, I was on the precipice of the darkest time of my life. That sounds really bad as if life was horrible and I didn’t enjoy any of it, but that’s not what I mean. What I mean is, I deliberately disobeyed God and did what He told me not to do and that caused darkness inside of me. That also sounds bad like I’m a villain and this is my origin story, but darkness doesn’t just mean evil. Darkness also means confusion. I didn’t leave bible school and get more evil, but I did get confused and fuzzy about what I was supposed to do with my life. That confusion was a direct result of my own disobedience. Because of that confusion, I spent time going in circles in various areas of my life. In other areas, I actually went backwards. 

Basically, I wasted time. 

But God, at the same time, when my time at Rhema was ending, scheduled my father in the faith to speak at the graduation ceremony for my class. God set things in motion years and years before I was sitting in that cap and gown that day so that Keith Moore could prophecy to me from that stage. He began to speak and encouraged us that when he left bible school, he didn’t know exactly what to do. I identified with that. He shared that as he went on in life and ministry, he really didn’t know any one thing except this: God is faithful.

He stuck his finger out at us and grinned bigger and bigger as he said it a few more times. 

I did not know it then, but I was reminded last night as I went to sleep and the words “Thank You, Jesus – You set me free – Christ, my Savior – You rescued me” spun around my head that God was telling me beforehand that He would not let me go. I would love to go on about how I held onto Keith Moore’s “God is Faithful” speech that night, but the truth is that it held onto me. 

When I made a wavered or made a mistake, it was the faithfulness of God that kept on me and kept after me. 

Throughout time, I know He has faithfully pursued me.

Time after time, I saw Him faithfully wait for me to turn to Him after I had turned away.

Now, for the rest of time, I know that He will faithfully lead me and guide me.

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